Two weeks; Two chairs

 Hey Dad,
    It's been 2 weeks since you left this earth for your Heavenly Home.  Wondering what you might say if we could talk right now.  Someone today said, wouldn't it be great if we could just get a phone call letting us hear their voice one more time saying "I'm OK!"?  It would be great, but then wouldn't we want just one more call or one more day? 
  I'm sure you'd tell me that you are OK, and so is Mom.  I'm sure you'd tell me to get the thank you notes finished up and sent out:) (we don't want people waiting too long sis).  You'd tell me that you're proud of me for getting through the work day today when all I really wanted to do was just stay home--but that's not the way you raised us.  Maybe you'd tell me you were with me yesterday...because it sure felt like you and Mom were there pointing out important parts of the sermon that I got to hear 2 times yesterday. 
  Yesterday at church we heard a sermon about forgiveness...and it struck a chord, but not likely the way that it did for some.  But I was thinking, I'm not really looking to forgive any ONE for everything that has happened...basically because there's no ONE that can be blamed and no ONE that DID this to you or Mom.  That doesn't mean that I wouldn't just LOVE to yell at someone about this and really take it out on someone....but again, that's not really how you raised us.  Anyhow, in an illustration of forgiveness, Matt used 2 chairs...one of judgement and anger and one of grace and forgiveness and I thought about which chair would I choose to sit in during these past 4 months (and past 2.5 years)??  What was so striking to me is that I quickly realized that there's no way I could choose to sit anywhere but the grace & forgiveness chair. Which made me think, what if these 2 chairs were also used to illustrate where I could choose to sit during this mourning. It was a poignant realization that I really have 2 choices about how to handle this grief and sorrow that I'm going through as I try to navigate how to get by in this world without you and Mom.  I could choose to sit in the chair of sorrow and become jaded and cold to the world around me or I could choose to sit in the chair of blessings and start recognizing the good that does exist.  I know that I can look to so many books of The Bible to see how people through history have gone through horrible trials and have had a prayer answered--even if it took 15 years or more. I know that even in all of my trials there are blessings--a close family (emotionally and in proximity), a great group of friends, & the opportunity to share my faith with so many people.  Before all of this happened, I was quietly faithful.  Now, when someone asks "how are you getting through all of this?" I know my answer is FAITH.  I am so thankful for a loving and just God, who, because of my salvation through Jesus Christ is able to forgive me of my sins and will welcome me to my Heavenly Home one day. 
    So, as I look for answers as to "WHY??" or "How am I going to get through this??", I'm trusting in a God that is going to use my trials to point others to HIM.  I'm trusting in a God who loves me SO much that He sent His son to die for MY sins.  I'm trusting in a God who is ready to forgive ALL of US for everytime we hurt Him.  I pray that maybe my story will be the light to someone else whose story looks even more dark. 
  I know that I'm not the only one missing Mom & you, Dad. I know that for a fact...but my prayer is that while we are all missing you, we'll all grow closer together and to God so that we can all see you again someday.
   I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU!!!